The 5 PM Tapes
Unplanned late-afternoon voice transcripts on gay loneliness, grief, ambition, and learning to say what I want out loud. New here? Start with Tape 01 →
Stepping Out of the Machine & Picking Myself
I started recording this late at night just for myself, already in tears. Even though I've known intellectually that childhood trauma affects me—that I was a traumatized kid who lived in survival mode for years—I don't think it had ever…
The Machine, Inner Child & Who I Am
Welcome back to the podcast. I just had my weekly therapy session, which these days is midweek in the afternoon. My therapist's name is Arthur, and we've been working together for about a year now. Arthur has been monumental for my healing.
Unspoken Needs, Grief & What I Actually Want
Welcome to episode six of my podcast. It is late afternoon now, and I just finished a gym session. The reason I want to podcast right now is that I could feel a wave of grief, sadness, and emptiness after finishing my workout. I sat…
Grief, Exhaustion & Counting My Blessings
Welcome to episode five of my podcast. I can't believe I am podcasting—I never thought this would be a hobby that I would do. This is something that I merely enjoy, not something I plan to make a big fuss or a career out of. I just like…
Gay Loneliness, Grief & Focusing on Systems
Welcome to episode four of my podcast. I can't believe this is the fourth episode of me using my voice for self-expression and having these solo podcasts. In this podcast, I want to talk a bit about gay loneliness, and the gay…
Expectations, Greenwich & The Anxiety of Exploring
Hello, and welcome to episode three of my solo podcast. I can't believe I'm starting this podcast. Speaking on the microphone is something I quite enjoy, if I haven't mentioned that already. I don't know what's going to happen with this…
The Oxford vs. London Tension
Welcome to episode two of my podcast. As you discovered recently, I love using my voice. After hearing my first recording and listening to some feedback, I realized I need to improve a little bit with how I podcast. I think the way I…
Exiting the Trauma Phase & Finding My Voice
Hello. This is the first time where I record a voice entry—just give me a second. I want to talk about me, in general. The past year has been heavy for me. I went through a breakup, I went through an identity crisis, and I dealt with…